


in the middle of everything

by prithivas



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Divine Pulse (Fire Emblem), Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Gen, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, it's not very graphic though, they also use sign language!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 10:07:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24967948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prithivas/pseuds/prithivas
Summary: She'd been reckless in one way or another before, but the war had completely unleashed her irritative side, shattering all of her boundaries and maybe even humanity. Had it been 5 years ago, she would've been imagining a world where no war existed, but now that she was involved heavily in this ugly, reckless war, she'd become ugly and reckless herself.
Relationships: Jeritza von Hrym & Mercedes von Martritz
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	in the middle of everything

Mercedes had never turned a blind eye to the reality of war, as much as others believed she did. Growing up, she saw people suffer and fight with all they had; she saw people beg for forgiveness, for they thought what they'd done was wrong. At a young age, she learned that every action had its consequences, and she learned that when she had the chance, she could offer help to those who needed it. How could she ignore the reality when it surrounded her, when it affected her as much as the others? She never wanted war, but who really did?

They would've said _Edelgard. She is the one that wanted war._ But she never truly blamed her for going after what she believed in. She was horrified at first, couldn't understand how someone would declare war so suddenly. And yet, after all these years they had all become beasts, fighting for different ideals but the same idea: a better future for Fodlan. How were they any different than her?

_She's the one who started it._

But it didn't matter now, did it?

So she killed, and she fought. She healed those who were wounded, yet only when they were on her side. She couldn't help the vulnerable unless they were fighting for the same future as her. How selfish of her, and yet there was nothing to be done.

Empathy was all she used to have when she was a child. Now, she was strong enough to let go of said empathy momentarily for the sake of her friends, the kingdom and maybe her own. Because at a young age, she also learned that people needed something or someone to believe in; though she foremost believed in the goddess, she started believing in a future where everyone would be free. She started believing in their cause. And most importantly, she believed in her friends who were beside her in every battle.

So she killed, and she fought.

Because this was the only way.

One soldier after another, friends and foes alike. Countless bodies on the ground, blood splattered all over the marble floors: some of them belonged to familiar faces, those whom she used to greet every morning years ago. People were screaming on top of their lungs, putting everything at stake, lunging forward knowing that death surrounded them, and it would likely find them as well, sooner or later. But they were used to it; the blood, the fighting and everything the war brought with. She hated it no matter how long it had been, because it never truly got easier. Though she had made a choice; she had to do her best, for a better tomorrow and a better future.

And so they kept fighting because that was all that they were capable of. And so, every lost friend was forgotten in the past, separated from those who met them as enemies on the battlefield.

And so, thunder struck, and screams followed. Thunder struck and the flow of time came to a halt.

* * *

It was the silence that caught Mercedes' attention first. The cries of pain and the outrageous yelling had stopped so abruptly, she couldn't help but feel lightweight. It was eerily calm, still and too bright to see anyone or anything. For a moment, she thought that death had come to claim her, had her in its grasp, but then she _felt_ it. A feeling that was unsettling but real, raw. Alive.

The confusion followed, and eventually came fear. Her hands were raised mid-air, still ready to attack anyone who lunged at her, but no one came. Not a single sound or movement, as if no one was present in this forest.

Only when the light faded away could she see the frozen figures.

The battlefield looked like a giant painting one would see in books, those telling the story of violence and agony, war and corruption. Opposite sides facing one another, looking worn out more than forceful, passionate, angry. Although every expression carried something else within, whoever Mercedes looks at, she saw a different reality.

Her friends, her allies against the enemy. Some were on horseback, some were far away from the action, casting healing spells. She could see Caspar headed towards - ah, towards his old friend, with a painful expression on his face, as if he was about to cry. Annette was healing Ashe, who had gotten off his Wyvern after taking a blow. The others were too far away for her to make out their faces, and it was hard to really see anything, as everything was... chaotic.

She'd been here, she'd been watching it happen for so long, and yet looking at the clashing swords and arrows hanging in the air, she found it hard to take in. She could almost imagine seeing this image on a future history book, telling the story of their violence, their agony, and people _admiring_ the imagery. Admiring the war and corruption. It made her uneasy. For the first time in a long while, in forever, she felt uneasy on the battlefield; and it was not because of the ugliness of the situation, but rather how she'd been turning a blind eye to the chaos. Had she become heartless? Had the war taken away all humanity she used to have?

Mercedes was used to it; the blood, the fighting and everything the war brought with. But _why?_ Why was it that she was supposed to be used to any of this?

Slowly, she started moving - hoping that time would continue flowing as usual along with her. (It didn't.) The reality sunk in a bit more with every single step she took, ever so slowly. What was to be done in a situation like this? What was the cause of all of this? It seemed that Mercedes was the only one who was still able to move, so it was possible that _she_ was the cause of this, somehow. So she tried to think of what happened only a few seconds ago; there had been this blinding light, but before and after that moment had completely been erased from her mind. Could that possibly be what had caused the flow of time to stop?

One step after another. She tried not to step on the dead bodies lying on the ground, absurdly afraid of causing them pain.

Was _she_ the one who'd blinded the battlefield? Was it her magic that stopped the flow of time, or someone else's? Her memory was hazy, though it'd happened minutes ago- or maybe more than that, taking the situation she found herself in into consideration. Time was already starting to lose its meaning.

A beat later, Mercedes heard a distant sound. She froze, unsure of what to do. Maybe she was hearing things, maybe her brain was trying to cope with the unbearable silence surrounding her. But that wasn't the case; after another beat, she saw a dark figure coming closer. A neigh, she recognised, a knight on horseback. They got closer each second, and each second Mercedes was able to see more of them, in black armour and a terrifying helmet.

It was no other than the Death Knight.

There were two things Mercedes could do in the couple following seconds; pretend to be frozen just as anyone else was at that moment, hoping that he would soon pass by her without any notice, or face the knight by herself, in this moment of desperation and confusion. But of course it couldn't be the first option; she couldn't simply ignore the fact that the Death Knight was the reason she had come here, the reason why she kept fighting. It was truly selfish of her, as she was aware; however, it was inevitable. She wanted to see him, even if they were fighting on the opposite sides, even when she was there to kill him before anyone else - just as he was there to kill her.

It was a tragedy for them and no one else, truly. And yet, it was necessary, as long as both sides fought for what they believed in. As long as humanity put their faith in something and worked for it. As long as they believed...

So she kept walking towards him, who galloped through the dead bodies, paying no mind to them. And with no hesitation, after she got ready to cast, she shouted at the top of her lungs:

" _Emile!_ "

The galloping came to a halt as the horse neighed loudly, and Death Knight's eyes set on the woman as she hit him with Bolganone, knocking him off. The thud and later grunt that followed bore the news that the knight had fallen, the knight had been taken off guard. So, without losing a single second, Mercedes got ready to cast another spell.

A sound escaped, that sounded way too metallic, too inaudible for her to grasp what was truly said. She was not fazed by it. When he tried to quickly get on feet, she hit him once more and watched him fall down again in flames.

Had it been 5 years ago, maybe she would have hesitated. Now, she didn't even stop to think about it; she'd been reckless in one way or another before, but the war had completely unleashed her irritative side, shattering all of her boundaries and maybe even humanity. Had it been 5 years ago, she would be imagining a world where no war existed, but now that she was involved heavily in this ugly, reckless war, she'd become ugly and reckless herself. Even if it meant facing her own brother on the battlefield, she couldn't bring herself to stop and think about the weight of her actions in the moment. But for the first time in a long time, in _years_ probably, it was catching up to her. She was _feeling_ it, and she knew it was a weakness to not have her emotions locked up when she was battling him, but it was different.

She had seen familiar faces, and had gotten rid of them in only mere minutes. This time, it felt completely different.

"You," he called hoarsely, slowly raising his hand. "How..?"

And before she could say anything, she felt arrows coming down on her from the gist of the sky, blinding as it previously had been. It was sharp, it was painful, and most certainly it _hurt_ , more than it normally would. She felt exhausted while lying on the floor, coughing a bit of blood. They all had been fighting for so long now, it was obvious that she was truly at her limit. And yet...

She got up on her feet, facing the standing man with his armour falling apart. Once again, she got ready to attack him with white magic, in hopes that the Goddess would somehow help her, while the Death Knight was getting ready to use dark magic on her. It was that moment that she felt the intensity in the air, as they desperately tried to kill one another, while everyone else was simply stuck in their own realities, if such thing even existed. Her whole body was on fire, her brain felt like it could explode any moment, any second and it became unbearable to hold herself; she fell back down, and the thing she has been holding onto the whole battle fell to the ground with a thud. _The Rafail Gem._

The silence took over once again as Mercedes lay on the ground, eyes fixated on the relic.

Abruptly, she laughed. It started out as a giggle, the usual that everyone around her was used to hear. The comforting giggle that was said to comfort those around her and give them the tiniest bit of hope, the giggle that made people around her lighten up ever so slightly. Eventually, it got louder, uglier, as she lost control. Everything stopped making sense, it was only a blur, a simple moment that was so meaningless that it hurt her; it was physically painful. Her laughter got cut off when she started violently coughing, and she could only stare at the bloodstain on the ground.

Mercedes was on the verge of death.

Nonsense, she _had_ been on the verge of death for years now, even when she was young, when she was unaware of it. But it had never been so clear to her before, even when she'd barely survived so many times, when she'd taken so many lives herself. But now she was looking death in the eye, and all she could do was laugh. Laugh at her brother's face, who had become the grim reaper himself. Her laughter died down, as she realised the Death Knight was not thinking about getting rid of her at the time being.

She sniffled after a cough. "It's such a... Beautiful tragedy, is it not? You said you would be the one to kill me. And here we are, while nothing else in this world is truly aware of what is happening, and time is... frozen in a mocking manner-" Another cough followed her words, while she threw up more blood. "As if nothing else is real, as if we've been given the time to... get rid of... one another."

The man only stared at her.

"Do what you must, Emile." She looked down and closed her eyes with a sour smile. "Rid of me."

Silence followed, yet Mercedes felt like she was about to combust. She was in so much pain, yet she was at peace. How contradicting, yet not at all surprising... She knew it would come down to this, so why would she be sad, why would she fear death when it has been with her for so long? After all, it wasn't all bad; she'd gotten the chance to see her brother once more, even when it wasn't in the best of circumstances, even if he was not the person she once knew. If only she could see his face too...

A noise came from where the Death Knight stood. Mercedes looked up slowly to see that he had dropped his weapon.

"I do not wish to rid of you."

"You don't?" she asked, confused. "You had told me, only a few moons ago, that I would die by your hand."

He turned his back at her. "I don't." His groan sounded metallic, but she was able to hear the frustration. And ever so suddenly, he fell on the ground, or rather he _let himself_ fall, and his chest plate came undone. Mercedes stared at him in shock, and saw the burn mark on his chest, visible under his torn jacket, that _she_ was responsible for. His condition was almost as bad as hers, she realised.

Slowly, she got on her knees and started crawling towards the unmoving man, trying to ignore the unbearable pain. " _Emile..._ " she tried to call out, as she got closer and closer.

" _Don't_ call me by that name," he pleaded, and maybe it was just the buzz in her ears deceiving her hearing, but he sounded as if he was on the verge of tears. "Whoever you used to know... He's..."

Mercedes reached out to him, put her hand on his chest and attempted to heal him.

She'd healed countless people in her life, before she came to the monastery, on and off the battlefield, in the infirmary... But had she ever healed an _enemy_ in her life? Was this truly the first time she'd held her hand out to someone who fought for a cause that differed from hers?

It took a lot of effort for her to cast the spell, as her condition was critic; but when she looked at the knight she held onto, he saw a helpless boy, a lost soul that wandered around with no sense of being, someone in need of help, and so she pushed herself to cast it. And still, some part of her was screaming, _he's a merciless killer, he's taken so many lives without even batting an eyelash, he's evil, the enemy,_ and yet-

He had shown _mercy_. He was human, and just as evil as anyone else on the fort.

"You," he started weakly, but she paid no mind and instead tried to concentrate, tried her best to heal her brother.

Eventually, Mercedes started feeling the magic flow in her veins as it healed her as well. A familiar sensation, and yet she could still feel the man's pain, agony, his emotions - and she could feel how they were changing as she kept on healing him. At first, it had been something dark, a desire to kill and spill blood, a desire to take as many lives as possible, death, destruction. As she kept going, they had become more tamed, as if he was starting to gain control over them; suddenly, there was warmth, sadness, remorse... They were strong, yet so far away. She tried to reach out to them, to grasp them, and then...

And then.

(...)

* * *

And then?

It wasn't clear how much time has passed, if time was capable of passing yet. But there was a pause, after that. Nothingness.

Then, Mercedes slowly opened her eyes and stared at the bright sky above her. It was clear, not a single cloud in sight, and it looked so peaceful, so blue. Not like how it looked when they first arrived. She couldn't bring herself to get up or move at all, and her first coherent thought at that moment was, _am I in heaven?_ It didn't feel like anything she would've been expecting, it felt sudden almost. But death was sudden, she supposed, never waiting for anything or anyone. Yet she still had a hard time wrapping her head around the possibility.

Was she scared?

Maybe so, but who wouldn't be scared of death?

"You're awake."

She couldn't figure out who was addressing her at first. It couldn't have been the goddess, could it? No, the goddess was said to have a divine voice that would bewitch anyone who heard it. No, whoever was talking sounded human, and it was somewhat familiar.

"Am I... dead?"

"No," the same voice said. She heard footsteps approaching then. "you're alive, and so am I."

A hand appeared in her vision, reaching out to her. She was sure it didn't belong to the goddess, because it was filthy and rough, bloody and wounded. And yet, she didn't hesitate when she took it and slowly rose to her feet with the help of it.

She realised that she was no longer with the others; instead, she stood in a green field with in sight, except the person who had held a hand out. And whom the hand belonged to was indeed more familiar than the goddess; a man, only in trousers and a jacket, no armour, no helmet. A man that looked down, as if he was unable to see Mercedes. He looked so worn out, so weak, and there was an unreadable expression on his face- _his face_. When was the last time she'd seen it?

"Emile..."

His grip tightened for a split second, before he let go of Mercedes' hand and turned his back to her. _So he still has some piece of armour left_ , she thought. It wasn't the metal kind, not like his suit, and it wouldn't fall apart as easily either.

"You should leave," he said, and though for once she could hear his actual voice, not hidden behind anything, she still couldn't see his face as he spoke. He was still hiding, still couldn't look her in the eye.

"I won't use that name if you do not wish me to," she said softly, though had to stop for a second - her throat was incredibly dry. As if she- _ah,_ she realised, _I almost died, not too long ago._ "But I won't leave you. Not this time." She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder, and could feel him tense under her touch. "Will you please look at me, at least for once? That is all I ask for."

He did not move. Silence took over them, and she waited for him.

He did not move, still. The silence became more and more unbearable.

Mercedes sighed, figuring there was no use pressuring him, and withdrew her hand. She sat back down at the grass as she looked around: they seemed to be somewhere within the fort, or so she assumed. It was hard to make anything out, her vision was still quite blurry. How ever did they end up here anyway? What had happened after she had tried to heal Emile? She could not remember anything, she could barely even remember what had happened. Was time still frozen? There was no way to tell, really, but if it still was, would the clouds really have moved?

How much time had passed, or rather, how much time would've passed if life still went on? Would things ever go back to normal?

Everything was so _quiet._ She couldn't stand it.

"I'm only curious," she asked, desperate to fill the silence, "but how did we end up here?"

Hesitantly, he answered, "I carried you here on horseback."

"Then where is the horse?" No answer came. Mercedes looked up to see him looking at her over his shoulders. He tore his gaze away then, before eventually kneeling down and sitting next to her. She couldn't help but smile even when he still refused to look at her, because at least now she was able to see his face.

She had so many questions to ask, so many things to say to him _. Why didn't you kill me? Why are you fighting alongside Edelgard? Please, come with me, you don't have to keep doing this. Do you truly find pleasure in taking lives of other people? Why did you kill your father?_ Maybe it would be best to sit back and enjoy this, sitting next to him. Maybe it should've been enough, seeing him like this after all those years, but the _silence..._

"We never intended to leave you behind," she whispered, in the end. Because that was the core of it, was it not? He looked at Mercedes, then, his expression still just as unreadable. "We were planning on taking you with us when we escaped, because neither of us could stand the thought of leaving you behind, but-"

"I was the one that told mother to leave me there," he cut her off.

Mercedes stared at him, slowly digesting the words. "You... told mother?"

He looked away, once again, as he started speaking. "I knew that if both of us escaped, he would've searched relentlessly for us all. And of course, had he found us... I'm certain he would've killed you both."

"So you stayed behind to-"

"Protect the both of you, yes," he said, getting quieter with each word. "I never imagined I would be able to see you again, and yet here you are, right next to me." He stole a glance at her. "How is mother?"

"Quite well, or so she was the last time I'd seen her." She sighed, "I miss her a lot, and feel guilty that I've left her. But I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling."

A scoff came from his direction. "I don't deserve to look her and you in the eye again.."

"Nonsense," she said, putting a hand on her brother's. "you are still family. You are still my brother."

"I'm _not_ the person you used to know," he spat, and he nearly sounded angry, maybe irritated. "I'm nothing but a merciless killer. A demon whose only pleasure is found within death's shadow, a _monster-"_

"You showed mercy to me."

This time, when he turned towards her and really looked at Mercedes, all she could think about was how _broken_ he looked. "What if I hadn't? I can't take control over _him_ , he acts as he wishes and has a mind of his own. Back there, you almost-" Before he finished his sentence, he scooted away from her, and her hand fell on the grass. "I cause nothing but harm to others, I'm destructive, _dangerous,_ and shouldn't be near you like this."

Mercedes' heart hurt at his statement. This was not the same person as the knight people spoke of with absolute horror, not the same person who was associated with death itself. Sure, he was right, he was a killer - but wasn't anyone that fought in this war? How could anyone daresay she was any better than her brother? Who would think themselves higher than someone, knowing they had taken as many lives as them? It was true that he was a killer, but so was she.

 _You've saved many people as well,_ her brain reminded. _You are a good person, he's-_

She was not a good person, no killer could be described that way. _I'm not a good person, and neither is he,_ she thought, _but he's my brother._

"I'm more than capable of protecting myself," she said reassuringly. "You don't have to worry about me, see? I'm still here, with you."

He grabbed something from his pocket, and stared at it for a moment. _The Rafail Gem._ "I've given this to you," he said as he slowly reached for Mercedes' hand, "so that you could protect yourself. Maybe you didn't need it after all."

"Thank you," she said, and maybe it was the fondness in her voice that caught him off guard, but he dropped the relic in her hands carelessly.

Then, his expression softened. "I'm glad to see you again... Mercedes."

It was so simple, the words that came out of his mouth were effortless and it felt like _home,_ and Mercedes' heart ached. "And so am I... I missed you, you know? Not only when we left, but in the academy and during the war, too. I-" She choked on her words, on the verge of tears.

When was the last time she had shed actual tears? She did remember the few times, especially five years ago. She'd cried over the people they'd killed for the first time, the first time she'd taken a life. At the beginning of the war, she'd cried over the archbishop and the professor, who'd gone missing at the same time. She'd cried because the feeling of helplessness was unbearable; she kept watching people die constantly, yet most of the time she couldn't even do anything. Some even died in her arms, as she looked at their lifeless eyes helplessly. And she still kept trying, tried to heal as many as possible, yet she was never enough.

She was someone who couldn't even save her brother, someone who chose to escape when he was suffering.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and she didn't cry. Even if she wanted, she couldn't. The war had taken so much from him, hasn't it? "We should have rescued you. We should have offered ourselves to save you."

 _We should've been there for you, Emile_ , she screamed in her own mind. _You must have been lonely... You know, I was lonely too, after we left. The goddess was there for me, but it's not the same. A higher being can't be there for you when you have no one to talk to. I talked to her, I prayed to her, I found comfort in her, but it's not the same._

_I needed a hand to hold, I wanted to be there for you... We always looked out for each other. Do you remember?_

"There is no need for such words, Mercedes. It was my choice to stay behind." He was still looking at her, and oh, how happy that made her feel... "Besides, it's not like we can go back in time and change it."

She nodded, "You're right, but we can still look forward to the future." She tore her gaze away to look around; the scenery was quite calming, but she felt uneasy in the middle of nothingness. It was too quiet, still. "Do you reckon time is still frozen?"

"I went back to check it out, and they're standing still... I, uh, left the horse there," he added as if he'd just remembered it. "Since we're stuck, I thought there was no rush getting back here, and I walked."

Mercedes nodded. That answered her previous question. "I wonder if this is permanent..."

She thought of all of her friends, standing still inside, still involved in the fight, when whom they were looking for was sitting next to her. She thought of Dedue first, who'd come back to them when everyone thought he was deceased. Mercedes remembered how she kept praying to the gods of Duscur, especially after she'd heard the news. She'd asked for peace and for his soul to rest at ease. But then he'd come back to them, when no one was expecting it, and they had instead prayed together. He was a kind soul, a brave heart, and a good friend.

Then there was Ingrid, whom she very much admired. After their conservation about marriage and responsibilities, she'd come to realise how they weren't all that different, and yet she couldn't imagine ever being as brave or idealistic as her. And Sylvain, who had allowed himself to weep in Mercedes' arms, allowed himself to be vulnerable after carrying on everyone else's baggage. He was one of the strongest people she knew, and she wanted only the best for him, truly.

Ashe, who treated her like an actual older sister, who asked for her assistance and offered his own when needed, Ashe who had always smiled through his pain and tried his best to be there for others. And Felix, who had reminded her of the man standing right next to her when she first got to know him - and oh, how angry he had been at her because of it. Yet now, she couldn't help but think the same again.

There was Annette. She'd been there with her during her time of loneliness, she'd been there when she needed a friend the most. They looked out for each other, they cared for one another, and she'd watched her become a strong, powerful woman throughout the years, and she was so proud of her - more than words could ever explain.

And Dimitri, who shared the fate of being on the opposite side of a sibling with her. He had given her the option not to fight before they had arrived, he was sympathetic, he _understood_ how hard it was. Yet she chose to fight, just so she could see her brother once last time.

("What do you want to do now, Dimitri?" she had asked him once, in the cathedral. "Continue fighting for those who have died? Not as a king, but as my classmate. What do you want to do?"

Dimitri had stared at her, and she knew what he was thinking - that he wasn't even deserved to be asked that. "My own dreams..." he contemplated. "I have never given it any thought. But, what about you? What do you want, Mercedes?")

What _did_ she want? What was it that she truly desired in life?

"Brother," she said, but it sounded more like a question.

"You can still call me by my name, if you wish," he said, but it sounded uncertain.

Mercedes contemplated for a second. "Jeritza," she stated a bit more confidently, trying not to think of how foreign the name felt. When she looked at him, she could see the surprise in his eyes, but he didn't seem to have a negative reaction. "What do you want?"

The question seemed to surprise him further. "What do I want?"

"I mean, why are you fighting? What's your purpose in this war, in this life?"

"My purpose..." he shut his eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't have one, my existence is merely pointless. I only exist to quench _his_ thirst for blood and destruction. I never had a purpose since the day House Bartels fell."

"Then why fight for the empire? You could have taken the lives of others whichever side you chose."

It took him a while to answer that. "Edelgard... was the one that found me, after I left. With Hubert, of course. I'm thankful for them." His eyebrows furrowed. "When I told her what happened, why I killed that man... I'm certain she understood me. I'm still not sure why, or how, but I know she did."

Edelgard was there for her, she realised, and though she felt guilty for not being able to do the same, she was glad. The emperor that they have been fighting against for five years, whom Dimitri swore to kill; and here she was, feeling sympathy for her. Was she really allowed to? Was it selfish of her to feel comforted by the fact that their supposed enemy was the one that had helped her brother?

At first, Mercedes had never understood why Edelgard would start a war, but it was clear that she never knew who Edelgard was, or what she truly fought for. Her goals. In the end, she was going after what she believed in, wasn't she? Just like all of them.

"What do _you_ want, Mercedes?"

It wasn't Dimitri asking the question this time. It was her own brother.

She wanted peace, she wanted everything to go back to normal - but war would never end, as Sylvain had said a few days ago. No matter what happened, there would be more wars, more fights, more deaths; as long as humanity existed, there was no way to stop it. And as horrifying as that thought was, there was nothing to be done. So did it really matter what cause she was fighting for? Did anything even matter?

"I want to go home," she admitted, and it felt so _wrong._ The voice in her head was screaming, _you are running away, away from the people that need you. You are nothing more than a coward, a selfish being._ And she couldn't deny any of it, because it was true; she was selfish. Maybe she was supposed to be selfish, like any other human being.

She was still human, she hadn't lost all of her humanity. And so was her brother, who had shown her mercy on the battlefield, and it wasn't the first time he had done so.

"My classmates all have their own reasons to fight... I'm not sure if I have one. I believe we're not too different from one another in that sense," she smiled at him, and he looked like he truly understood - of course he did, she never doubted that. "I had convinced myself that everything in life was at the will of the goddess. So, in a way, fighting in this war was the first time I ever made a decision on my own. Though, I'm not sure if I want to keep going, if I want to be apart of this destruction."

She was still human, and she was capable of making decisions on her own. And she knew what she wanted. "Do you want to come with me?"

"I-" he tried to find the right words to say, but failed.

"Because it would make me very happy if you did," Mercedes continued. "We've spent so many years apart, and I would like to stay by your side. We could go visit mother together! I know for a fact that she would be happy to see you, no matter how much you say otherwise."

When he spoke again, Jeritza's voice was wavering. "You... know what I've done, know how much destruction I've caused, and still you wish for me to remain?"

And it would take more than a few words to convince him that she truly did, but Mercedes would still keep trying. "Of course I do. You are my brother... and I love you."

Such simple words, and yet how powerful they felt as they spilt from her lips. Jeritza took a deep breath and suddenly pulled her into a hug. It was unexpected, indeed, but she wrapped her arms around him without hesitation and, for the first time in a long time, shed real tears. Time was still frozen around them, but they were there together; and right now, the silence wasn't bothering her.

"I want to come with you," he sniffled. "I want to... go home. To see mother."

She nodded as they separated, and got up on her feet. "So do I."

Then, something unsettling happened; thunder was back, and she was blinded once again. This time, no one was screaming - it was still quiet.

* * *

Mercedes blinked as her vision slowly went back to normal, and she saw a frozen figure standing in front of her. It took her a few moments to see who it was, and when she did - she gasped audibly, covering her mouth in shock.

Her brother was frozen.

She wanted to let out a scream, to say something, shake him so that maybe he would go back to normal. She wanted to cry, but the tears from a few seconds ago had already dried and there were no more to come. And at that moment, she felt so small, so fragile. She didn't know what to do, what was going on-

A weird sound, that sounded an awful lot like a whinny, came from behind and the sudden interruption caused Mercedes to let out a soft shriek. Though when she turned around, she was met with a familiar face smiling at her, on horseback.

(And then there was also Byleth, of course. Byleth, who had taught them how to fight, how to be a proper solider; and Byleth who had helped them get through hardships, who offered unconditional support. They were the one that led them when Dimitri fought his own demons, and they were the one that gave them all hope, after they had quite literally come back to life.)

"Professor," she said quietly, and it was silly to call them that still - but for some reason, it didn't feel right to refer to them by name.

They got off the horse slowly, and it neighed once again. She realised how worn out they looked, and yet their expression was soft. _Don't worry about him,_ they signed as they kept smiling. _He is okay._

Mercedes' eyes grew big as she came to the realisation. "You aren't frozen... Professor, are you the one-" They nodded before she could continue. "But how? I saw you there with the others, you were just as still as them."

They shrugged. _I didn't want him to see me._

She blinked and looked back at her brother. She remembered that he, or rather the Death Knight, had some sort of obsession with Byleth. It made sense. For a moment, she thought about asking him why that was, but maybe it was not her place. "That's fair. So you're the one that... froze everyone?" They nodded once again. Mercedes let out a shaky breath. "My, my. You are full of surprises, professor."

 _Will you be leaving?_ They weren't smiling anymore, but their expression was still just as soft.

For a moment, she hesitated. "Yeah, I believe so... But the others-"

They interrupted her again. _Don't worry about them. I will bid them farewell in your place._

"Professor..." She smiled, and her heart ached. "Will you be okay? I never wanted to leave, I never wanted to be the one to run away from fighting."

 _We will be fine,_ they reassured her. _You must do what you want to do._

Mercedes felt a variety of emotions; relief, sadness, gratefulness, more importantly _happiness_. She would miss her old classmates, of course, but she knew that they were all very strong and capable of taking care of themselves. In the past few months, she was more than happy to help them out whenever they needed, and she knew they were grateful for her, they depended on her, but-

 _I know they won't hold it against you_ , Byleth confirmed.

"Once the war is over," she said, slowly walking towards them, "I hope we can - no, we will _definitely_ meet again. But until then, I will miss you dearly." She pulled them into a gentle hug, and they hugged her back without any hesitation. "Please take care of the others. Not that I doubt you wouldn't, I'm sure they're in great hands."

They giggled at that as they let go of her. She noticed their eyes were glistening. _Goodbye, Mercedes. I hope you'll be happy._

"Same goes for you, and the others..." They took a step back, not taking their eyes off of her, as she gave them a curt nod and whispered, "Farewell, Professor."

And as she was blinded by yet another thunder, Mercedes had nothing to worry about. Her friends would be okay, her brother would be okay, _she_ would be okay. This was the start of a new beginning, the start of a future that she welcomed with open arms.

She was truly happy, for the first time in so long.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Get them to therapy. Please. <3
> 
> If you need me, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/edlethea) and [tumblr](http://edlethea.tumblr.com/).


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